Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
