OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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