Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
