i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
