Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
