So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
