I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
FUCK WHALES
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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