butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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