He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
