Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
