to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
