Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
