it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
