There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
