Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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