how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
