What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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