Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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