eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
