I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
