i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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