Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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