You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
