The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
