she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
