im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
farters have to be the big spoon...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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