i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
