dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize