some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
