I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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