I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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