Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
