If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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