You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i would punch a child for taco bell
thus making me awesome and them whores
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
