i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sorry about my life...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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