Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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