My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
