Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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