I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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