Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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