: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
