once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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