homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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