we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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