I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
