Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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