i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
