I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
