States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Enjoy the penises
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
