Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize