My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
