Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This house was built for laser tag.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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