when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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