I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
