$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
