your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize