Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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