I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
