my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
