I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can you bring me the toilet please
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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