You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
