Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
