I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
