Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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