Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize