Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
