I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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