I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
