haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
