Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
