I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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