I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
