Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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