Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
