Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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