I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
