At least make sure they are 18
Why
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
