You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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