guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
