As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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