Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
