dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
