So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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