don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A bitchslap is in order.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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