Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your cock deserves a montage
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
