Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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