Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
