My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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