nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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