I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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